Saving Face: Politeness and Respect, and Expressions for Respectful Interaction

1Reading: Saving Face

An essay written for this lesson.

1 Every conversation carries two messages. One is the information: pass the salt, the meeting is at three. The other, usually unspoken, is about the relationship: I respect you, or I don't need to. Politeness is the art of managing that second message.

2 The sociologist Erving Goffman called the public image that each of us wants to keep our face, and the work we do to protect it face-work. In 1987 the linguists Penelope Brown and Stephen Levinson developed the idea. They argued that everyone has two kinds of face. Positive face is the wish to be liked, approved of and included. Negative face is the wish to be free, not imposed on or pushed around.

3 Many ordinary acts threaten one face or the other. A request threatens the hearer's negative face, because it asks them to do something. A criticism threatens their positive face, because it suggests that something about them is not approved. Even a compliment can threaten negative face, if it seems to demand something in return. Politeness, in this view, is a set of strategies for doing these necessary things while doing as little damage as possible.

4 English speakers have a remarkable range of such strategies. To protect negative face, they become indirect: "Could you possibly …?", "I was wondering if …", "Would you mind …?" They hedge ("just", "a bit", "perhaps") and apologise for imposing ("Sorry to bother you"). To protect positive face, they show friendliness and common ground: a compliment, a joke, an inclusive "we". And sometimes they say nothing directly at all: "It's a bit cold in here" can be a request to close the window.

5 Languages and cultures mark respect in different ways. Some, like Kinyarwanda, French and Kiswahili, can show respect through forms of address and special greetings; English relies heavily on indirectness and on small words such as please, could and sorry. A speaker who moves between languages has to move between systems. A request that is perfectly respectful in one language can sound blunt when translated word for word into another.

6 None of this makes politeness insincere. A polite form is not a lie; it is a signal that the speaker has noticed the other person as a person. That is why it matters most when it is hardest: when we disagree, refuse or complain.

2A scale of requests

Paragraph 4 lists strategies for protecting negative face. Here they are on a scale.

Indirectness is not always better. Among close friends, "Could you possibly pass the salt?" can sound cold, and a hint can be missed entirely. The skill is choosing the right level for the relationship and the size of the request.

3Comprehension

1. What are the "two messages" in every conversation, according to paragraph 1?
2. Define positive face and negative face in your own words.
3. Why does a request threaten negative face, and a criticism positive face?
4. How can a compliment threaten negative face?
5. List three strategies English speakers use to protect negative face, and one for positive face.
6. Why might a word-for-word translation of a respectful request sound blunt?
7. Do you agree that "a polite form is not a lie"? Explain.

4Speaking: expressions for respectful interaction

Role-play. In pairs, act out each situation twice, once too directly and once respectfully, and discuss the difference: (1) asking the school bursar for an extension on fees; (2) refusing a friend's invitation the night before an examination; (3) telling an older neighbour that his goats are eating your vegetables.