Social Interactions
Senior 6 · English (Languages)
Social Interactions
Lesson 2 of 4
30 min
Let's begin
When you say "I'm sorry" or "Well done", you are not describing the world; you are doing something to it. You are repairing a relationship, or building one. Linguists call such utterances speech acts. This lesson listens to three short conversations, analyses how apologies and compliments are built and answered, and shows why "I'm sorry if you were offended" is not an apology at all.
Dialogues written for this lesson; the people are imagined. Read each aloud in pairs. For each one, note: who apologises or compliments, the words used, and how the other person responds.
Dialogue 1: in the staffroom
KEZA: Excuse me, Mrs Ingabire. I'm really sorry, Madam: my geography project isn't finished. It was my fault; I left it too late. I misjudged how long the survey would take. I can hand it in by eight tomorrow morning, if that's acceptable. And next time I'll start in the first week.
MRS INGABIRE: Thank you for telling me yourself, Keza. Eight o'clock, then. And I'll hold you to that last part.
Dialogue 2: after football
GATETE: You told everyone I missed the penalty on purpose.
ERIC: I'm sorry if you were offended. Mistakes were made. People say things after a match.
GATETE: That's not an apology, Eric.
Dialogue 3: at the school exhibition
MR HAKIZIMANA: Uwase, this map is excellent. The way you've shown the rainfall is really clear.
UWASE: Oh, thank you, sir. Ishimwe helped with the colours.
ISHIMWE: I love your bag, Teta.
TETA: This old thing? I've had it for years!
AMANI: Great presentation, Aline.
ALINE: Thanks! Yours was brilliant too.
Definition
Key terms
Researchers studying apologies, such as Elite Olshtain and Andrew Cohen in the early 1980s, found that full apologies across languages are built from a small set of parts. Keza's apology in Dialogue 1 uses all five.
| Eric says | What it does | What a real apology would do |
|---|---|---|
| "I'm sorry if you were offended." | Makes the problem the hearer's feelings, and conditional | Name the act: "I'm sorry I said you missed on purpose." |
| "Mistakes were made." | The passive hides who made them | Take responsibility: "I was wrong to say it." |
| "People say things after a match." | An excuse that spreads the blame to everyone | Offer repair: "I'll tell the others it wasn't true." |
Compliments are usually short and formulaic. Studies of American English compliments by Nessa Wolfson and Joan Manes found that most follow a handful of patterns, such as Your NOUN is/looks (really) ADJECTIVE and I (really) like/love NOUN. Responses are harder, because a compliment creates a small dilemma: accepting it may sound proud, rejecting it may sound rude.
| Response type | Example from Dialogue 3 | Effect |
|---|---|---|
| Accept | "Oh, thank you, sir." | Gracious; the safest response in most English settings |
| Reassign the credit | "Ishimwe helped with the colours." | Modest and generous |
| Downgrade | "This old thing? I've had it for years!" | Avoids seeming proud, but can sound as if the speaker's taste is being questioned |
| Return the compliment | "Yours was brilliant too." | Balances the exchange |
Intonation changes everything. "Great presentation" said with a warm fall is a compliment; said with a flat or exaggerated tone after a failed presentation, it is sarcasm. Listen to how something is said, not only to what is said.
Worked example
Writing a formal apology: one paragraph of a letter
"I am writing to apologise for the noise from our class party on Friday evening, which I understand disturbed several residents. The responsibility is mine as class president: I did not check the time. We have agreed that future events will end by nine o'clock, and I would be grateful for the chance to apologise to your neighbours in person."
Notice the IFID ("apologise"), named act, responsibility ("The responsibility is mine"), brief explanation, repair and a promise of change, all in a formal register.
Warning
Practice
Sources and credits
