Respect and Family Rules

1He forgot to greet her

That is all. He walked past his grandmother as if she were a chair.

A greeting is the first gift you give a person, and it costs you nothing at all. It takes about three seconds. It says: I see you. You matter to me.

When you do not greet someone, they hear something else: you are not important enough for my three seconds. That is why his grandmother looked sad.

2How to greet an elder in Kinyarwanda

An elder is anyone older than you — a parent, a grandparent, a teacher, a neighbour, a big cousin.

• In the morning you say “Mwaramutse.”
• In the afternoon and evening you say “Mwiriwe.”
• At any time you can say “Muraho.”
• When someone gives you something, you say “Murakoze” — thank you.

Listen to how all four begin: mu- or mw-. That is the polite beginning, and it is the one you use for an elder. With a friend of your own age you may say “Waramutse” or “Urakoze” instead — but never with an elder.

3The next day — worked out step by step

The next afternoon Ishimwe comes home hungry again. This time he does it properly. Watch each step.

1. He stops at the door instead of rushing through.
2. He looks and sees his grandmother in her chair.
3. He walks over, and because it is afternoon he says, “Mwiriwe, Nyogokuru.”
4. She smiles and answers. He does not shout across the room — he goes close enough to speak gently.
5. She reaches into her cloth and holds out a banana. He takes it with both hands — that is the respectful way to receive something from an elder — and says “Murakoze.”

The whole thing took less than half a minute. And now his grandmother is not sad; she is telling him a story about when she was seven.

So: STOP. LOOK. GREET. That is the whole trick.

4Respect is bigger than greeting

Respect also means:

• Saying please, thank you, sorry and excuse me.
• Listening when someone else is talking, and not cutting in.
• Standing up to offer your seat to an elder who is standing.
• Never laughing at somebody because of how they look, speak or dress.
• Speaking kindly to your little brother, even when he is annoying — especially then.

5Family rules — and the reason hiding inside each one

Nearly every home has rules. Here are some you may know:

• Wash your hands before you eat.
• Be home before it gets dark.
• Ask before you take something that is not yours.
• Homework first, football after.
• Greet visitors when they arrive.

Do rules exist to spoil your fun? Let us test that idea on a real one.

Rule: “Be home before it gets dark.”

Ask why, and think:

• In the dark you cannot see the holes and the stones on the path.
• Motos and cars cannot see you.
• Your parents do not know where you are, and they worry until their stomachs hurt.

So the reason is: the rule keeps you safe. It was never about spoiling anything.

Rule: “Wash your hands before you eat.”

Why? Your hands touched the ground, the goat and the ball. On them are germs — living things far too small to see. Eat with those hands and the germs go onto your food, into your mouth, into your stomach, and then you are lying down with a painful belly instead of playing.

Reason: the rule keeps you healthy.

Rule: “Ask before you take.”

Why? Because if Gatete takes his sister Mutesi’s pencil without asking, she looks for it, cannot find it, and gets angry with him. Ask first and she just says “yes, take it” — and there is no quarrel at all.

Rules keep you safe, keep you healthy, or keep the peace.

A house where everyone greets, everyone listens and everyone follows the rules is a house where people are happy to come home. That is what respect builds.

6Respect goes both ways

Children respect grown-ups — and grown-ups should also listen to children, speak kindly to them and keep them safe.

So remember this. If any person, even a big person you know, asks you to do something that hurts you or frightens you, or tells you to keep a bad secret — that is not respect, and you do not have to obey. Go and tell a grown-up you trust: a parent, your grandmother, or your teacher. Telling is the right thing to do.

Try it yourself

Say each answer out loud first, then check underneath.

1. It is morning. You meet your grandfather at the door. What do you say to him?
2. Your aunt holds out a mandazi for you. How do you take it, and what do you say?
3. The rule says: wash your hands before you eat. What is the reason hiding inside that rule?
4. Gatete needs a pencil. His sister Mutesi’s pencil is lying on her bed, but she has gone to the shop. The family rule is “ask before you take”. What should he do?
5. Uwase says, “Rules are only there to spoil our fun.” Is she right?

Answers

1. “Mwaramutse.” It is morning, and he is an elder, so you use the polite greeting. Stop, look, greet.
2. Take it with both hands and say “Murakoze.” Two hands and a thank you — that is how you receive from an elder.
3. It keeps you healthy. Germs on your hands would go onto the food and into your stomach and give you a bad belly.
4. Wait and ask her when she comes home. Taking it while she is out is still taking without asking — and when she cannot find it, there will be a quarrel.
5. No, she is wrong. Every good rule is quietly keeping you safe, keeping you healthy, or keeping the peace at home.