The Planet Next Door: Writing a Composition about a Favourite Planet – Space Travel (Senior 6 English) | Ganzaa

Space Travel

Lessons

Senior 6 · English

Space Travel

4 lessons

Lesson 4 of 4

The Planet Next Door: Writing a Composition about a Favourite Planet

25 min

Let's begin

In lesson 2 you gave a talk about a planet. A talk can repeat itself, wave its hands and rely on your voice; a composition cannot. On the page your reader has only your words, so each paragraph must earn its place. In this lesson you study a model composition about Mars, take it apart, and then plan and write your own about the planet you chose.

Definition

Terms for planning a composition

composition (n): a short piece of continuous writing on a given topic, organised in paragraphs, that presents a point of view.
thesis statement (n): the sentence, usually at the end of the introduction, that states your main point and the reasons you will give. Three things make it special to me: …
topic sentence (n): the first sentence of a body paragraph, which tells the reader what the paragraph is about. First, Mars has some of the most dramatic scenery in the solar system.
supporting detail (n): a fact, example or explanation that proves the topic sentence.
hook (n): an opening sentence designed to make the reader want to continue.

The shape of a composition

A composition is a short essay with a clear point of view. Each paragraph does one job, and the reader should be able to say what that job is from its first sentence.

Worked example

Model composition: "The Planet Next Door" (345 words)

Task: Write a composition of about 300 words on the topic "My favourite planet".

[1] Ask people to name their favourite planet and most will choose Saturn for its rings or Jupiter for its size. My choice is smaller and, at first sight, plainer: Mars. It is a cold, dusty desert about half as wide as the Earth, yet no other planet tells us so much about the past or offers so much hope for the future. Three things make it special to me: its extraordinary landscape, the story of its water, and the chance that people will one day walk on it.

[2] First, Mars has some of the most dramatic scenery in the solar system. Its volcano Olympus Mons is the largest in the solar system and towers over Mount Everest, while Valles Marineris, a system of canyons thousands of kilometres long, makes the Grand Canyon look small. Even its colour has a story: iron minerals in the soil have rusted, which is why Mars shines red in the night sky.

[3] Second, Mars has a history that we can read. NASA missions have found strong evidence that, billions of years ago, it was warmer and wetter, with a thicker atmosphere. NASA's Perseverance rover landed on 18 February 2021 in Jezero Crater, which once held a lake fed by a river, and it has since collected rock samples that may contain signs of ancient life.

[4] Third, Mars is the planet people are most likely to visit after the Moon. However, the difficulties are enormous. The journey would take months, the thin air is mostly carbon dioxide, and the average temperature is about −65 °C. No space agency has yet fixed a date for a crewed landing. Yet if engineers solve these problems, someone who is at school today may be among the first people to stand on another planet.

[5] Mars is not the biggest, the hottest or the most beautiful planet. It is, however, the most human one: a world we have mapped, driven across and may one day visit. When I see that small red light in the sky, I am looking at the next chapter of our story.

How the composition works

¶	Its job	Language from lesson 3
1	Introduction: hook (what most people choose), background, thesis naming three reasons	about half as wide as (fraction + as … as)
2	Landscape: topic sentence, two facts with comparisons, a comment	some of the most dramatic, the largest in the solar system
3	Water: the planet's story, told in order	past simple for finished events: was, landed, held; present perfect for findings that matter now: have found, has collected
4	The future: a balanced view: problems first, then hope	is most likely to visit; first conditional with a modal: if engineers solve …, someone … may be
5	Conclusion: sums up the three reasons in new words; ends on an image	three superlatives in a row, then a contrast with however

Notice what the writer does not do: there is no "In this composition I am going to talk about", no list of every fact about Mars, and no number that the writer could not check. Paragraph 4 is honest that no landing date exists; a weaker writer would have invented one.

Linking words, sorted by job

Job	Linking words	Example
adding a point	first, second, in addition, moreover, furthermore, what is more	In addition, Mars has two small moons.
contrasting	however, yet, although, whereas, nevertheless, on the other hand	Venus is closer to us, whereas Mars is easier to explore.
giving a result	therefore, as a result, consequently, so, which is why	The air is thin; as a result, it cannot hold much heat.
giving an example	for example, for instance, such as	Robots such as Perseverance do the work for now.
concluding	in conclusion, to sum up, overall	To sum up, Mars rewards our curiosity.

Punctuation matters: however, therefore and moreover begin a new sentence or follow a semicolon, and take a comma after them. Although and whereas join two clauses inside one sentence.

Worked example

From notes to a body paragraph

Notes on Venus, from the planet table: 464 °C, hottest planet · farther from the Sun than Mercury (167 °C) · thick atmosphere, mostly carbon dioxide, traps heat.

Topic sentence: one reason, one idea. Venus is my favourite planet because it breaks the rules.
The fact that proves it, made vivid by a comparison. Although it is almost twice as far from the Sun as Mercury, it is by far the hottest planet, with an average temperature of 464 °C.
The explanation. Its thick atmosphere, mostly carbon dioxide, traps the Sun's heat, so the surface never cools down.
A comment that links back to the thesis. Venus shows that closeness to the Sun is not the whole story, which is exactly why it fascinates me.

Before you hand it in: a checklist

Content. Do I give three clear reasons? Is every fact accurate, and is every number one I have checked?
Organisation. Does the introduction end with a thesis? Does each body paragraph begin with a topic sentence? Does the conclusion sum up without copying the introduction?
Language. Have I used the past simple for finished events, a suitable future form, accurate comparisons and at least one conditional?
Accuracy. Spelling of space words; capitals for planet names; in after a superlative; no will after if.
Length. Close to the word count asked for? Count, don't guess.

Tip

Plan for five minutes, write for twenty-five, check for five. In an examination, a composition planned in five lines is almost always better organised than one written straight away. Write your thesis and three topic sentences first; the rest of the composition is then a matter of filling in the support.

Warning

Comma splice: two full sentences joined only by a comma. ✗ Mars is cold, the air is thin. ✓ Mars is cold, and the air is thin. or Mars is cold; the air is thin.
information and equipment are uncountable: no -s, no an. ✗ informations ✓ pieces of information
Don't start with "In this composition I am going to talk about…". Start with your hook.
Don't end with a new reason. The conclusion sums up; it doesn't add a fourth point.

Mars 101, from National Geographic's YouTube channel (about 4 minutes, 2018): how the red planet formed and what its polar ice caps may tell us. Note two facts that the model composition does not use, then decide which paragraph of the model each one could strengthen.

✦

Practice

Write a thesis statement for a composition on Saturn that names three reasons.
Which linking word fits, and what job does it do? (a) Mars is small; ___, its volcano is the largest in the solar system. (b) Neptune's year is very long; ___, no one born there would live to see a birthday. (c) Some planets, ___ Jupiter and Saturn, have no solid surface.
Correct the five mistakes in this paragraph: Last year our class visit the science fair, there we saw a model of Mars. It was more bigger than our classroom door. If the club will build a telescope next year, we will look at Mars ourself.
Rewrite this weak opening as a hook: In this composition I am going to talk about Jupiter.
Using the planet table in lesson 2, write a body paragraph of 60–80 words on Mercury, following the four steps in the worked example.
Write your own composition of about 300 words on your favourite planet. Plan first; then use the checklist and count your words.

Show answersHide answers

Model: Saturn deserves its fame for three reasons: its spectacular rings, its enormous size, and the mysteries of its moons.
(a) however or yet: contrast (b) therefore, so or as a result: result (c) such as: example
Last year our class visited the science fair. There we saw a model of Mars. It was bigger than our classroom door. If the club builds a telescope next year, we will look at Mars ourselves. (tense; comma splice; double comparative; will after if; reflexive pronoun)
Model: Imagine a day that lasts less than ten hours on a planet eleven times as wide as our own. Welcome to Jupiter.
Model: Mercury is my favourite because it is a planet of extremes. It is the smallest planet and the closest to the Sun, and it races round in only 88 days. Yet its day lasts 4,222.6 hours, so one day on Mercury is longer than its year. A planet where a birthday comes round faster than a sunrise is hard to forget. (61 words)
Answers will vary. Check against the checklist: a thesis with three reasons, three topic sentences, accurate facts, linking words from each job, and about 300 words.

1The shape of a composition

2How the composition works

3Linking words, sorted by job

4Before you hand it in: a checklist

The shape of a composition

How the composition works

Linking words, sorted by job

Before you hand it in: a checklist