Friendship and Sexuality
Senior 3 · Religion and Ethics
Friendship and Sexuality
Lesson 3 of 4
30 min
This lesson deals with a hard subject, calmly and plainly, because knowing the facts protects people. Every person, child or adult, has the right to be safe in their own body. No one, whether a stranger, a neighbour, a teacher, a relative or a boyfriend or girlfriend, has the right to touch you sexually, to force you or to pressure you. Any sexual contact with a child is abuse and a crime, and it is never the child's fault. If anything in this lesson reminds you of something that has happened to you or a friend, you can talk to a trusted adult or call one of the free helplines below.
Definition
Child: anyone under 18 years old (UN Convention on the Rights of the Child, article 1).
Consent: free, clear agreement given by a person who is old enough and able to decide. A child cannot consent to sexual activity; agreement obtained by threats, gifts, alcohol or authority is not consent.
Sexual abuse: any sexual act forced on a person, or any sexual contact with a child.
Sexual harassment: unwanted sexual comments, messages, touching or demands, including online.
Gender-based violence (GBV): violence aimed at a person because of being a woman or a man, including sexual, physical and emotional violence.
Grooming: when an abuser builds a child's trust with attention, gifts or secrets in order to abuse them later.
| Type | What it means |
|---|---|
| rape | forcing a person into sexual intercourse |
| child sexual abuse (defilement) | any sexual act with a child, whether or not force is used |
| incest | sexual abuse by a close family member |
| sexual harassment | unwanted sexual remarks, touching, messages or demands, at school, at work or online |
| sexual exploitation | using money, gifts, marks, jobs or power to obtain sex |
| online abuse | asking a child for sexual pictures, sending them sexual images, or threatening to share pictures |
| forced or child marriage | marrying a person against their will, or marrying a child |
| Area | Possible consequences for the victim |
|---|---|
| physical | injury, pain, unwanted pregnancy, infections including HIV |
| emotional | fear, shame, anger, sadness, trouble sleeping or concentrating |
| social | falling behind or leaving school, isolation, broken family relationships |
| spiritual | feeling unclean or far from God, though the victim has done nothing wrong |
For the abuser there are consequences too: abuse is a crime punished by law, and both faiths condemn it.
Both traditions stand firmly with the victim. The Bible commands: "Defend the weak, the poor, and the fatherless. Maintain the rights of the poor and oppressed. Rescue the weak and needy. Deliver them out of the hand of the wicked." (Psalm 82:3–4). Jesus warned that whoever leads a child astray would be better off "if a huge millstone were hung around his neck and that he were sunk in the depths of the sea" (Matthew 18:6). A psalm promises comfort to those who suffer: "The LORD is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves those who have a crushed spirit." (Psalm 34:18). The Qur'an teaches that Allah "forbiddeth lewdness and abomination and wickedness" (Qur'an 16:90), and both faiths reject any teaching that blames the victim.
The Rwanda Investigation Bureau lists these free numbers: 116 for reporting child abuse, 3512 for reporting domestic or gender-based violence, 3029 for the Isange One Stop Centre, and 166 for emergencies or sharing information about a crime. After an assault, go for medical care as soon as possible: the World Health Organization advises that medicine to prevent HIV infection should be started as soon as possible and within 72 hours.
Puberty is the time, usually between about 9 and 16 years old, when the body changes from a child's to an adult's. It happens at different ages for different people, and all of these changes are normal.
| Girls | Boys | Both |
|---|---|---|
| breasts develop; hips widen; periods (menstruation) begin | voice deepens; facial hair grows; shoulders broaden; wet dreams | growth spurt; body hair; spots on the skin; strong feelings and new attraction |
Responsible decisions. Both Christianity and Islam teach abstinence before marriage and faithfulness within it (lesson 2). Abstinence is also the surest way for young people to avoid early pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections (STIs) such as HIV, syphilis and gonorrhoea. HIV is passed on through sexual contact, infected blood and from mother to child; it is not passed on by hugging, sharing plates or mosquito bites. Only a test shows whether a person has HIV. Health centres give young people confidential advice, testing and treatment.
Tip
Trusted adults. Name three adults now (a parent, an aunt, a teacher, a faith leader, a nurse) whom you could tell if something went wrong. If the first one does not help, tell the next.
Warning
Secrets that hurt. An adult who says "this is our secret", gives you special gifts or asks for pictures is not a safe adult. A good secret is a surprise party; a bad secret makes you feel scared or confused. Tell someone.
Discuss. Why do many victims of abuse stay silent? What can a school, a church and a mosque each do so that young people feel safe to speak?
Practice
Remember
Sources and credits
