Friendship and Sexuality
Senior 3 · Religion and Ethics
Friendship and Sexuality
Lesson 2 of 4
25 min
Adverts, songs, films and the internet send young people endless messages about sex, many of them false. Faith communities send a different message: that sexuality is a good gift from God, powerful enough to create new life and to bind two people together, and therefore to be guarded and used with responsibility. This lesson sets out what Christianity and Islam teach about human sexuality, and how culture and society shape the way young people in Rwanda live it.
Definition
Chastity: using one's sexuality according to one's faith and values: abstaining from sexual relations before marriage, and being faithful within it.
Abstinence: choosing not to have sexual relations.
Modesty: dressing, speaking and behaving in a way that respects one's own dignity and that of others.
Socio-cultural: to do with the customs, beliefs and pressures of the society and culture a person lives in.
"Flee sexual immorality! “Every sin that a man does is outside the body,” but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or don’t you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. Therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s." (1 Corinthians 6:18–20)
Islam also sees sexuality as good within marriage and forbids it outside marriage. The Qur'an warns against even the first steps towards adultery:
"And come not near unto adultery. Lo! it is an abomination and an evil way." (Qur'an 17:32)
Modesty is asked of both men and women:
"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and be modest. That is purer for them. Lo! Allah is Aware of what they do." (Qur'an 24:30)
"And tell the believing women to lower their gaze and be modest …" (Qur'an 24:31, opening)
"Lowering the gaze" means not staring at others with desire. In Islam, as in Christianity, the responsibility for self-control belongs to both men and women.
| Influence | How it can help | How it can harm |
|---|---|---|
| family | parents and older relatives can give honest advice and protection | silence or shame can leave young people to learn from rumours |
| culture and tradition | respect for the body, family honour, modesty | stereotypes about what boys and girls "should" do; pressure on girls to marry young |
| media and the internet | reliable health information from trusted sources | pornography, unrealistic images of bodies and relationships |
| peers | friends who share your values and help you wait | "everyone is doing it" pressure |
| money and gifts | none: love is not bought | older people offering gifts, transport or money for sex, which is exploitation |
| Myth | Fact |
|---|---|
| "Everyone my age is doing it." | Not true. Many young people choose to wait, and it is your choice, not the group's. |
| "A girl cannot get pregnant the first time." | False. Pregnancy can happen the first time. |
| "You can tell if someone has HIV by looking at them." | False. Only a test shows whether a person has HIV. |
| "If someone gives you gifts, you owe them." | False. A gift that demands sex in return is exploitation, and an adult who does this with a child commits a crime. |
Tip
Plan your "no" before you need it. Decide your values now, in a calm moment, and practise the words. It is much harder to decide under pressure.
Warning
Gifts and "sponsors". If an older person offers money, phone credit, transport or school fees in return for a relationship, it is exploitation, not love. Tell a trusted adult. Lesson 3 explains where to get help.
Discuss. Christianity speaks of the body as "a temple of the Holy Spirit" (1 Corinthians 6:19) and Islam asks believers to "lower their gaze and be modest" (Qur'an 24:30–31). How could these teachings guide the way young people use phones and social media?
Practice
Remember
Sources and credits
