Friendship and Sexuality
Senior 3 · Religion and Ethics
Friendship and Sexuality
Lesson 4 of 4
25 min
A Rwandan wedding can fill a whole day or several: the introduction and the bride-price ceremony, the civil marriage at the sector office, the church or mosque ceremony and the reception, with dancing, speeches and many guests. But the wedding lasts a few days; the marriage is meant to last a lifetime. Christianity and Islam both see marriage as something that involves the two people, their families and society, and God. This lesson looks at those three sides of marriage and at what makes a person ready for it.
Definition
Marriage: a lifelong union between a man and a woman, recognised by law and, for believers, made before God.
Sacrament: in the Catholic Church (and in other churches' language), a sacred sign through which God gives grace; Catholics count marriage as one of the seven sacraments. Many Protestant churches call marriage a holy covenant.
Nikah: the Islamic marriage contract, made with the free consent of both partners before witnesses.
Mahr: the gift the husband must give to the bride in Islam, which belongs to her. In Rwandan custom, inkwano (bride-price) is a gift from the groom's family to the bride's family.
Monogamy: marriage to one spouse at a time.
The Bible begins with companionship: "It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make him a helper comparable to him." (Genesis 2:18). Jesus quoted Genesis and added:
"Haven’t you read that he who made them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall be joined to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh’? So that they are no more two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, don’t let man tear apart." (Matthew 19:4–6)
Paul describes a marriage of mutual love and respect: "Subjecting yourselves to one another in the fear of Christ" (Ephesians 5:21), and "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly and gave himself up for her" (Ephesians 5:25). Christians therefore see marriage as faithful, lifelong and between one man and one woman, a sign of God's own faithful love.
"And of His signs is this: He created for you helpmeets from yourselves that ye might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy. Lo, herein indeed are portents for folk who reflect." (Qur'an 30:21)
The Qur'an describes spouses as close protection for each other: "They are raiment for you and ye are raiment for them" (Qur'an 2:187), and commands the mahr: "And give unto the women (whom ye marry) free gift of their marriage portions" (Qur'an 4:4). The nikah requires the free consent of both the man and the woman; it is witnessed, and in most schools of Islamic law the bride's guardian (wali) takes part.
| Aspect | What it includes | Scripture |
|---|---|---|
| Individual | companionship, love, support, growing together; readiness in age, maturity, education and means to support a family | Genesis 2:18; Qur'an 30:21 |
| Social | a new family; children and their upbringing; links between two families; rights and duties recognised by law and community | Genesis 2:24; Qur'an 4:1, 4:4 |
| Spiritual | a covenant or sacrament before God; a nikah made in obedience to Allah; praying and growing in faith together | Matthew 19:6; Ephesians 5:21–25; Qur'an 2:187 |
The law in Rwanda. A marriage is legally recorded by the civil authorities at the sector office, and the government's IremboGov service states: "According to the law, you are eligible to marry at 21 years and above" (IremboGov, Marriage declaration FAQ, checked 6 October 2026). Marriage must be freely chosen by both partners; forcing anyone to marry, or marrying a child, is abuse (lesson 3). The family law has been revised more than once, so check the current rules with the sector office.
Worked example
Case study (illustrative): is Dusabe ready? Dusabe, 17, in S4, has a boyfriend of 24 who wants to marry her this year and promises to pay her school fees afterwards.
Tip
Three questions before marriage: Am I ready in myself? Are our families and the law involved? Are we making this promise before God, freely and for life?
Warning
Early and forced marriage harm. Marrying too young usually ends education, raises health risks in pregnancy and leaves the young spouse with little power. Both faiths require free consent; the law protects children.
Discuss. In Rwandan custom, inkwano is given to the bride's family; in Islam, the mahr is given to the bride herself. What does each practice say about the meaning of marriage? How can both be kept from becoming a "price"?
Practice
Remember
Further reading
Sources and credits
