Friendship and Sexuality
Senior 3 · Religion and Ethics
Friendship and Sexuality
Lesson 1 of 4
25 min
In S3 friendships change fast. Old friends drift away; new ones appear in class, on the football pitch, in the choir or online. Some friends make you braver, kinder and more hard-working; others pull you towards things you later regret. At the same time your body and feelings are changing, and you begin to notice attraction. This unit looks at friendship and sexuality through the teaching of Christianity and Islam, so that you can make choices that protect your dignity, your health and your future.
Definition
Friendship: a freely chosen relationship of trust, care and shared life between people.
Love: a deep care for another person that seeks their good; in both faiths its source is God.
Sexuality: the whole way a person experiences being male or female: the body, feelings, attraction and relationships. Both faiths see it as a gift of God, to be expressed in sexual relations only within marriage.
Sex and gender: sex is being biologically male or female; gender refers to the roles and expectations a society attaches to being a man or a woman, which differ between cultures and change over time.
Peer pressure: the influence of people of your own age to act in a certain way, for good or for bad.
The New Testament's great description of love is about agape, the love that seeks the other's good:
"Love is patient and is kind. Love doesn’t envy. Love doesn’t brag, is not proud, doesn’t behave itself inappropriately, doesn’t seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn’t rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things." (1 Corinthians 13:4–7)
Jesus called it the greatest love of all: "Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13). The Qur'an describes the faithful as friends who help each other do right:
"And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends one of another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong, and they establish worship and they pay the poor-due, and they obey Allah and His messenger. As for these, Allah will have mercy on them. Lo! Allah is Mighty, Wise." (Qur'an 9:71)
Both faiths also teach that men and women are equal in dignity before God. Paul writes: "There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus." (Galatians 3:28), and the Qur'an promises the same reward to "men who believe and women who believe … men who speak the truth and women who speak the truth" (Qur'an 33:35).
| Kind of friendship | What it is like |
|---|---|
| acquaintances | people you know and greet, without sharing much |
| close friends | a few people you trust with your thoughts and problems |
| peer group | the wider group you spend time with, in class or in a club |
| online friends | people you know only through phones and the internet; you cannot be sure who they really are |
The scriptures are realistic about the power of friends:
| Good effects of friendship | Bad effects of the wrong friends |
|---|---|
| support in hard times; someone to talk to | pressure to drink alcohol, smoke or take drugs |
| encouragement to study and to pray | pressure to skip school or to cheat |
| learning to share, forgive and keep promises | pressure into early sexual relationships |
| belonging and joy | bullying others to fit in with a group |
Worked example
Case study (illustrative): saying no and keeping a friend. After a match, older boys offer Habimana a drink of alcohol and say: "Real men drink."
Tip
A friend test. After time with a friend, ask: am I a better person, or a worse one? Do they respect my "no"? Would I be happy for my parents and my God to see what we do together?
Warning
Online "friends". Someone you have met only online may not be who they say they are. Never send private photos, never share your address, and never meet an online contact alone. Tell a trusted adult if anyone online asks for secrets or pictures.
Discuss. Is it possible to stay friends with someone who keeps pressuring you to do wrong? Use Proverbs 13:20 and Qur'an 9:71 in your answer.
Practice
Remember
Sources and credits
