Walk, Study, Share: Listening to Students Talk about Friendship and Daily Life, and Speaking about Safe Relationships

Presenter (Gatete): Good afternoon, and welcome to S4 Voices, the programme made by students, for students. Today's topic is friendship: what we actually do with our friends, day after day, and how we keep those friendships safe. My first guest is Umutoni, a day student.

Umutoni: Hi. My best friend Aline lives on the same hill as me, so we walk to school together every morning. It takes about forty minutes. We leave at half past six, and on the way we test each other: vocabulary on Mondays, formulas on Thursdays. After school we usually fetch water first, and then we do our homework together, at her house one day and mine the next. On Sundays we sing in the same choir.

Presenter: Do you ever argue?

Umutoni: Of course! Last term she told someone something I'd told her in secret, and I didn't speak to her for a whole week. The walk to school was very long that week. In the end she apologised, and we agreed that some things stay between us. We've never fallen out like that again.

Presenter: Thank you. Byiringiro, you're a boarder. Is friendship different in boarding school?

Byiringiro: Completely. At boarding school your friends become your family. We get up at half past five, make our beds, and go to breakfast together. In the evening we have prep, two hours of private study, and the four of us always sit at the same table. On Saturdays we wash our clothes together and then play basketball. The hardest part is visiting day. Some parents can't come every time, because they live far away. So we have a rule: whatever anybody receives, we share.

Presenter: That's a good rule. And finally Niyonzima.

Niyonzima: My situation is a bit different. My best friend moved to Nyagatare last year, so now we only talk on the phone, every Saturday evening. It isn't the same, but it works. I've also made a friend in an online coding group. We've been chatting for three months, and last week he asked me to send him my home address and to meet him in town. I haven't decided what to do.

Presenter: Let's ask our expert. Mrs Mutesi is our school counsellor. Mrs Mutesi, what would you say to Niyonzima?

Mrs Mutesi: First, well done for not deciding alone. Online friendships can be real and valuable, but online you can never be completely sure who someone is. So keep your address, your passwords and your private photos to yourself. Don't meet someone you know only from the internet without telling a parent or guardian first, and never go alone: if the meeting happens at all, it should be in a busy public place, with an adult you trust. And if anyone, online or offline, asks you to keep your friendship secret from your family, that is a warning sign. Talk to an adult straight away.

Presenter: What about pressure from friends we see every day?

Mrs Mutesi: Saying no is a skill, and like any skill it gets easier with practice. You don't need a long excuse. "No, thanks. That's not for me" is enough. If they push, say it again, calmly. A friend who only likes you when you do what they want isn't really a friend.

Presenter: And if a friend tells us something worrying?

Mrs Mutesi: Listen, and don't judge. But never promise to keep a secret if someone is in danger, or if someone is hurting them. Offer to go with them to a teacher, a parent or me. And remember that any child can call 116, free, to report abuse. Helping a friend to get help isn't betraying them. It's the most loyal thing you can do.

Presenter: Thank you, Mrs Mutesi, and thank you to all my guests. That's all from S4 Voices this week.