Show, Don't Tell: Writing a Personal Statement and a Career Plan

1The shape of a personal statement

2A model personal statement

Written by Ganzaa. Ishimwe, an S6 student applying for a degree in agriculture, is imagined; so are her grandmother, her school and the club. Paragraph numbers are added for study.

1 Two seasons ago, I watched my grandmother lift half of her bean crop out of the ground, black and rotten, after weeks of heavy rain. She had planted on the lowest part of her field, where the water collected. What struck me was not the loss but the question behind it: could the same field have been planted differently? That question is why I am applying to study agriculture.

2 At school, biology and chemistry are my strongest subjects, and I have most enjoyed the places where they meet: in the soil. A lesson on drainage explained exactly what had happened to my grandmother's beans, and it left me wanting to know more than the syllabus could tell me.

3 I have tried to turn that curiosity into practice. In S5 I joined our school's agriculture club and, with two friends, set up a small trial: we grew beans in three beds, one flat, one raised and one on a gentle slope, and recorded their growth every week for a term. The raised bed did best, but the more important lesson was how hard it is to run a fair test. The beds did not receive the same sunlight, so our comparison was not as clean as we had hoped. We presented our findings at the school open day, where a visiting agronomist showed us how to design the trial better next season. As club treasurer this year, I keep the accounts for our seed and tool purchases, which has taught me to plan a budget and to explain spending to others.

4 These experiences have given me skills that I believe the course will demand: careful observation, patience with repeated measurements, and the confidence to present results to people who know more than I do. I also keep a learning log, which has made me more honest about what went wrong and what I would do differently.

5 After my degree, I hope to work as an agricultural extension officer in my home district, helping farmers like my grandmother decide where and how to plant. In the longer term, I would like to study soil science further. I am applying because I want to answer, properly, the question that a field of rotten beans asked me.

3Questions on the model

1. Match each paragraph to a part of the diagram.
2. Which detail in paragraph 1 makes the opening specific rather than general?
3. Paragraph 3 admits that the trial was not a fair test. Why does this strengthen the statement instead of weakening it?
4. Find two places where Ishimwe links an experience to what she learned.
5. How does the last sentence connect the end of the statement to its beginning?

Show answersHide answers

1. 1 opening; 2 why this course; 3 evidence; 4 skills and qualities; 5 the future.
2. The rotten bean crop on the lowest part of her grandmother's field, after weeks of rain: a real moment, not "I have always loved farming".
3. It shows that she thinks like a scientist (she noticed the sunlight problem), that she is honest, and that she learns from mistakes: qualities a course needs.
4. "the more important lesson was how hard it is to run a fair test"; "which has taught me to plan a budget and to explain spending to others"; also "made me more honest about what went wrong".
5. It returns to the question from paragraph 1 (the rotten beans), so the statement closes the circle and ends on her purpose.

4Useful language

5Behind the statement: a career plan

A personal statement is easier to write when you know where you are going. A career plan sets out a long-term goal and the steps towards it. Here is Ishimwe's.

Plans for obstacles (first conditionals, as in Lesson 3): If my chemistry mark falls, then I will join a study group and do one past paper every weekend. If I don't get a scholarship, I will apply to a diploma programme and work towards the degree later.